


Storm Shelter Within the Storm

by Es_Aitch



Category: The Hour
Genre: F/M, Introspection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-28 10:38:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6325717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Es_Aitch/pseuds/Es_Aitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was going on inside Randall's and Lix's head during THAT scene of S02E06...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes the title is an intended pun. I don’t know if this will be a two-shot or have more to it, but OMG after seeing S02E06 of _The Hour_ , this demanded to be written. First chapter is basically introspection. Second chapter will deal with the missing scene that happened after this one.
> 
> I am so late to this party. :(

It had been too much. Randall Brown’s love for Lix Storm still burned just under the surface. Now, he had proof of the loss of Sofia. That just pushed him over the edge. He hadn’t had a breakdown like this in years. And damn Lix, she wouldn’t leave him. She was going to force him to know she was watching him go through this. He didn’t want her to see him like this. Didn’t want her to bare witness to the violence he was capable of – even if that violence was against inanimate objects. She knew he could lose control and how dangerous it could be when that happened.

The tick began slowly. He needed everything to be exactly right, in just the right way. He picked up his notebook. _It was on the wrong side of the desk_. He moved it to a seemingly blank space that needed to be filled. But no, now it was sitting on top of a folder. _He would need that later_. He moved the notebook back.

Lix’s resolve was fixed. She stayed and told him to do whatever he needed to do. She was granting permission for him to do something that he would never grant himself permission to do. That was like putting dynamite next to a dam and igniting the fuse, but not running away. Now it would only be a matter of time before all of his self-control disappeared and he would lose sense of everything around him.

There was a book sitting open on his desk. _No that was wrong, it needed to be closed_. The book was closed. His silver cigarette case was not perfectly aligned. _Need to straighten that_. Now the lighter was wrong. _It needed to be shifted just so_. There was a closed book upon his desk, but he was reading it, so it really should be open. _Open it_. But the pages are wrong. _Flip through the pages for the right spot_. Now, the documents are in the wrong places. _Straighten them up_. Papers are in the wrong order for the information he would need. _Sort them_.

The desk: was too organised now. It should reflect the disorder in his mind. He was starting to feel the panic rising, so his actions became faster and more frantic. Photos. He can’t see them if they’re in a perfect pile. _Spread them out, there’s a whole desk to use_. The Documents, they are too ordered now. There’s room enough for them. _Fill the desk with chaos! **Throw things around!** That will help!_

Lix knew what was happening. She had seen it several times before. For as much as Randall didn’t trust himself in these moments, she trusted him completely. He had never hurt her before and a part of her knew he never would. He considered himself crazy when these drives took him over. Especially when it became destructive and he was throwing things around. But never once had anything hit her. It was as if part of his mind knew she was there and that nothing was to touch her.

It had been twenty years since she had seen it happen. She had been too young, perhaps. Too naïve to understand what was happening, what he was going through. Maybe she had even been too scared, back in those days, to really see Randall for who he was in these moments. She finally understood the kind of thing it would take to drive a man so focused on control and order to release it in such a violent way.

Having that knowledge didn’t stop the pain she felt at witnessing it. She had a part to play in this tableau of lost control. He was a man who was calm in the face of everyone else’s torrents. He never quite knew how to deal with the storms in his life. Well. He did. He just hated himself afterwards.

She realised as she watched him while fighting her own tears what he needed more than anything else in that moment. He needed to be accepted. She doesn’t remember doing that before. In those days, they were young and drowned the horrors of the Spanish Civil War in alcohol, cigarettes, and ‘We’re Alive Sex’. That was enough, but it wasn’t love. Nor was it acceptance.

But having those memories helped Lix now. She realised that she loved this man. And he loved her. Even though he made her wake up and face things she never wanted to – or maybe that was just one of the ways he showed her that he loved her. She hated seeing him so pained that he literally didn’t know how to handle it. She realised that seeing him go through that was far more painful than any ‘waking up’ he made her do.

Randall heaved a sob as he collapsed into his chair, his head falling to the desk. The worst thing about these episodes wasn’t the mess it created. It wasn’t the fear that he might hurt someone during his tirade. The worst thing was the utter exhaustion and humiliation he felt when it was all over. He was too tired to do anything other than try to breathe. There was the mess, of course. But now, in the calm, the mess was only a confirmation, a reminder, of the destruction he was capable. The mess only served to prove that he was weak and had lost control. It served to remind him that he was a terrible person for letting his emotions get the better of him.

Lix knew what it meant when Randall finally collapsed into his chair – his head falling to the desk. Compared to those early days, she knew what he needed. He needed to be accepted. She had told him to do what was needed and so she had to finish what she started. She could do this. She had to. It was something she could offer him that she never had done properly before. She slowly stood and made her way around his desk. She wrapped her arms around him. She wasn’t prepared for his violent movement at the shock of her touch.

When Randall felt arms wrapping around him, he had two reactions. The first was shock and fear that anyone was touching him. He hadn’t expected it and in his confused state, he didn’t know who it might be. The other reaction was that he didn’t deserve to be touched. He didn’t deserve comfort, especially after the display he had just made.

Lix knew that his reaction was her fault. She should have given him some kind of warning. She let him be for a heartbeat and then she approached again, more slowly this time. She rested one hand within his line of sight and the other between his shoulder blades. She just wanted to let him know she was there, she wasn’t going to hurt him, and he was safe.

When Randall didn’t move, Lix slowly ran one hand along his arm and the other from his back up his neck and onto the top of his head. Sensing that he was now accepting of her touch, she wrapped her arms around him again. She ran her hand through his hair and rested her head against his. She knew he was coming back to himself when he raised his hand to cover hers that was on his head.

Randall heaved another part-sigh, part-sob. Lix had never done this before. Of course, she had never really encouraged him to do this before either. But this comfort, this gentleness, this acceptance was new to him. He wondered if this meant she loved him. A part of him had always questioned it, in the days after… after. He didn’t know how to tell her he loved her in return. That he accepted her. He didn’t know how to express how glad he was that she was there with him on this last part of the journey surrounding their daughter. Words failing him, he reached his hand up to take hers.


	2. Chapter 2

The pair remained in that position for some time. Lix’s body draped protectively over Randall’s and his hand covering hers. When he finally felt like he could breathe again, he slowly released her hand, trying to let her know he was ready to sit up. As he sat up, he kept hold of one of her hands and moved his chair just a bit. He then gave a gentle tug that indicated she should sit in his lap.

Once Lix was seated, Randall wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close so that he could smell her. After another few minutes of silence, he spoke quietly. “Thank you.”

Lix’s only response was a huff of disbelief. Randall held her tighter for a moment. “I mean it.”

She nodded, but remained quiet until she could be sure of her voice. It would be a long time before that would happen.

After a few moments, Randall gave her a little push to indicate she should stand. He stood as well and carefully avoided looking at the mess he had made. He went to the chiffonier and knelt in front of it. He pulled open the door and produced two shot glasses and a bottle of Brandy de Jerez.

Lix gasped softly at the sight. She recognised the brand, it was one they drank in the darkest days of the civil war. “Randall?”

The way she said his name contained a thousand questions. She knew why he had given up drinking and the importance of what he was considering. But more importantly, she realised that while he was still the man she remembered, he was so much better. Of course he had forced her to wake up. It’s what he did: everything in his power to save her, even from herself – especially from herself.

As painful as it was to read the facts in that folder, knowing the truth helped. While painful, it provided closure. Randall had said he woke up at four in the morning thinking about Sofia. Lix just continued the patterns she developed in the civil war: smoking, alcohol, and sex. It numbed the feelings at least.

But Randall had given up alcohol. In these few months since his return, she could see the change and she would hate herself if he gave that all up because of this. She swallowed and stepped near him. “I don’t mean to…”

He shook his head to stop her. “I know.” He paused and took a breath. “I was saving it as a reminder.”

She could guess several things that it would serve to remind him. She rested her hand on his shoulder, as she tried to encourage him to face her. “I lied.”

It was the only thing she could think of to say that might stop him. He did look over his shoulder at her, eyebrow raised in question. She knew she had to say it out loud. “You were a fantastic drunk. But… you were a terrible alcoholic.”

Now it was his turn to scoff. Not because she was wrong, but because she was right. He caressed the unopened bottle with a fondness that was almost disturbing. Then he spoke softly. “Once, there were three frogs sitting on a log. One decided to jump. How many were left?” It was a rhetorical question and Lix knew it so she let him continue. “Three. The frog made a decision, but took no action.”

She reached around him and took the hand from the bottle into hers. “But, you _have_ taken action.”

He shook his head. “But not the ultimate action. Not the one that would mean no turning back. I have time…”

She took his other hand so now both hands were held in hers. She could feel the slight tremor – the tick that indicated he wanted to clean, to organise, to cycle through everything again, and worse, the shaking that meant he was about to lose his resolve and dissolve into waves of malevolence. She wasn’t going to let him.

She had failed him so long ago, now. She had been running away from something that she couldn’t face. She had told him she wouldn’t apologise because she had no regrets. She was lying to herself. She knew that now. She had run because she thought he would make her give up everything that she loved about being her. Seeing him in these moments, she realised that he never asked her to give up anything. Well, if he could wake her up and stop her from running, she could stop him before he did something he would truly regret. They were going to stand there and talk properly – unlike they had done all those years ago. “Why do you want to tempt fate?”

He pursed his lips in thought and slowly tilted his head so he could meet her eyes. “Hope.”

Lix’s eyes were still glistening with unshed tears. She shook her head and spoke resolutely. “This isn’t hope, darling. It’s torture.”

That stung Randall. He knew what he was spiralling towards. What the next step would mean. He was already in the familiar throws of self-loathing. Of course, the word Lix uttered surmised it perfectly. He gave her hands a squeeze. “Is there an alternative, given what I’ve put you through?”

She nodded, squeezed his hands in return, and then released him. She reached over, took his bottle, and then gestured to the room. “Clean up the mess. You can have your ‘reminder’ back when you’re calm.”

Randall squinted his eyes at her. Even now, she understood him better than he thought. If he wanted to return to drinking, booze was readily available anywhere in the building. But Lix seemed to understand there would be significance to his drinking this particular bottle. It would be about more than just descending back into the throws of alcoholism. Finally, he nodded to her.

Lix left the room and Randall followed her with his eyes, momentarily frozen in place. Finally, he let his eyes drift back over the mess. He slowly made his way to the debris and started to clean things up. After all, he was Head of News and they had a show to present that would either destroy them all, or lead to a resounding success. He needed things to be ready.

Lix made her way to her office. She put the bottle of brandy in a prominent spot along the windowsill. She looked at her own bottles scattered about the room. Maybe she wasn’t too old to change after all…

She huffed, the emotions she had held at bay for Randall, finally caught up with her. Her office was too public. Besides, she didn’t want Randall to interrupt her. She didn’t want him to see her like this. He would never be able to do what he had to do tonight if he did. She scurried to the restroom. Everyone else was preparing for the broadcast. She didn’t really have anything to do anyway, so no one would be looking for her unless Miss Delaine showed up. She could give herself a few minutes.

* * *

 

Lix watched Randall throughout the broadcast. He did for the entire team what he had done for her hundreds of times in Spain. He took control and remained calm. He addressed or removed anything that would distract them from the task at hand. There was nothing more they could do for Freddie anyway and they still had to finish the show, after all.

* * *

 

She had said they were in trouble. Now, as she sat in the waiting room, her words haunted her. Right now, there were so many uncertainties that surrounded her. It was uncertain if Freddie would live or die. Uncertainty enveloped her relationship with Randall. Uncertainty surrounded _The Hour_ , since no one could say for sure how the BBC execs would react to their broadcast. Or how they’d react to what happened to one of their journalists. She murmured under her breath. “Death and taxes.”

Randall couldn’t sit still. He wasn’t allowed to smoke, not in this part of hospital. Only Bel had been allowed to see Freddie and she hadn’t been back with an update. He paced the waiting room and as far as he was allowed down the halls. He straightened the bulletin boards, putting them into an organised fashion. Any out-dated notices, he would discard, and then he would line up the unused tacks so they would be ordered as well.

He had been standing near Lix when he heard her mumble. He sighed and sat down next to her. He even dared to rest a hand on her knee. But he allowed her the freedom of how to react to it. She rested her hand on top of his. He gave a comforting squeeze to her knee. He leaned in a little so he could keep his voice soft and low. “…And hope. There’s always hope.”

Lix was tired. She didn’t want to do this any more, but she was cynical toward his words. She scoffed. “How can you say that after everything that happened today?”

He offered a small shrug. “Because it’s true.” He sighed heavily. He knew that wasn’t enough of an answer in the face of everything. “There comes a time in everyone’s life where something happens that forces you to look at all the wrongs you have committed and all the different things within you that make your life unmanageable. Then, you have a choice: you can either ignore the information you have, or you can do something with it. Say you tell someone else about those things that make you less than you want to be. And within all of those things you find detestable about yourself, they accept you. They might even go a step further to _tell_ you they accept you, even with all those demons you struggle with. Having experienced that, how can I ever lose hope?”

As Randall spoke, Lix wrapped her arms around his one arm and held it tight. She leaned her head against his shoulder. “When did you experience that?”

He smiled and dared to drop a kiss to her curls. “I see it happen in a lot of little ways all the time; but most recently? Today. With you.”

Lix was shocked. She had told Bel that if you run away for too long they stop loving you back. But, clearly some part of Randall still loved her – even after everything today. She was about to comment that he wasn’t normally one to express himself so freely when one of the sisters finally came to provide them with an update.

Lix and Randall stood. The sister’s voice was grave, but didn’t seem to suggest the worst news. “He’s resting as comfortably as we can make him. But, there’s nothing else we can do for him right now. Miss Rowley suggested that you go home. Since Mr Lyons has no living relatives, she will be allowed to remain with him.”

With that she turned and left.

Randall and Lix stood unmoving for a moment. Finally he turned to her and offered his arm. She gladly took it. He guided them to his car and helped her in before he got in on the driver’s side. As he was about to turn it over, she rested her hand on top of his. Surprised, he looked at her. “Can we go back to the office? There’s something I need to do.”

He frowned, but nodded. Neither said anything on the drive.

Randall accompanied Lix and they headed to her office. The place was eerily silent. The building itself seemed to know that Freddie’s life hung in the balance and held its breath as it waited. Lix shook out of her coat, but Randall was there to hang it up for her. He hung up his as well. She went over to the windowsill and picked up the bottle of brandy and held it out for him. He shook his head as he slowly approached her. “I think you need it more than I do.”

Lix frowned. “I know you’re not saying…”

He lifted his hand and gently lifted the delicate gold chain around Lix’s neck, so that he could look at the gold band attached to it. He had recognised the ring when he first saw it hanging around her neck and he understood why she wouldn’t apologise. Why she held no regrets. It was because some part of her still held to what they had. Perhaps even to him. He had to leave because of work, but he would have fought for the right to stay, had she accepted his offer. She had run because she feared there would be some adherence to the social norms. They had learned to love each other in the mist of bloody violence and war, she should have known better than to think he would have asked her to behave in any way contradictory to who she was.

He raised his eyes from the ring to meet her eyes. “You said you didn’t want to talk about it. But…”

She chuckled, backed away from his touch, set the bottle back onto the windowsill, and sat down on the chair next to it. “We’ve come too far to stop now…”

She reached over to grab a cigarette and her lighter. Randall sat in the chair across from her. This was how they were sitting when they had the surge of hope that Sofia had been found. She didn’t light up and he didn’t offer to help. They sat in silence for a long time.

“There’ve been others.”

Randall looked up at Lix with a raised eyebrow. That was a hell of a statement to break the silence. But then, that’s how Lix was. She looked down at her hands, they were shaking, and so she put the lighter and cigarette down. She sighed heavily. “But none were you. Took me ages to realise that everyone else would just be a fling.”

And she was absolutely not going to tell him about Freddie. By then, she was quite comfortable with flings. Randall pursed his lips. “It’s only been you since we met.”

Lix almost snorted. “I doubt that.”

He shrugged. “There were attempts. But, they didn’t know what to do with my need to organise. And I was still drinking...”

Lix could only imagine how that went down, especially if he had an episode like the one earlier today. It took far less to drive him to that point back when he was drinking. Randall continued, “After I stopped drinking, I realised it could only ever be you.”

Lix stared at him for a long moment. Then she slowly leaned forward and raised her hands to take off his glasses. She set them on the little reading table next to her. She offered a hesitant smile as she cupped his face between her hands and gently she stroked his cheeks with her thumbs. She leaned in further and gently pressed her lips to his.

Everything was tossing and turning. They were caught between what was, what could be, and what was happening right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably the last chapter, unless inspiration strikes again.


End file.
